The Different Faces of Happiness
By Christine Traxler MD
Truly, a comprehensive definition of happiness is nearly impossible as what I perceive as happiness may not at all resemble what someone else sees as causing them to be happy. I don�t think I�m alone in feeling that what makes me happy is unique to me; finding someone who exactly matched my definition of happiness would be very difficult.
I should first mention that I firmly believe I am happy right now. I don�t think that has always been the case and I think it�s a wonderful gift to be able to really be happy at this time in my life. Others may think I couldn�t possibly be happy, given my life circumstances. Still, it is the truth. I am not at all wealthy but I can pay my bills and provide for my teenage daughter so she has the things she needs to be comfortable in her unique, teenage way. I have been wealthy in the past and, while I had moments of happiness back then, I was certainly no happier than I am now and there were times when, despite having plenty of money, I was decidedly unhappy with my life. I believe that the old adage, �money doesn�t buy happiness�, is entirely true. On the other hand, being destitute would not be my idea of happiness either.
I tell people I know that my happiest days are those in which I don�t have to leave my house. I don�t think I�m particularly antisocial, nor do I dislike shopping or going places. It�s just that I spend so much time going places, running errands or seeing people that, for me, I get so tired of fighting traffic or working my way through the grocery store or even having a lunch meeting with someone that being at home, watching a good movie or writing are things that are joyful to me. I used to be happy just reading a good book and soaking up its ambiance. Now that I�m a writer, I find happiness in creating quality work and seeing my thoughts turn into something I can be proud of.
Unlike a lot of people, I do not drink alcohol, nor do I do drugs. I see such things as creating temporary false happiness that I do not need. I would be distinctly unhappy going to a bar, meeting strangers or even hanging out with friends, and drinking my way into a poor semblance of happiness. My happiness comes from within me.
Those who know me well know that I am happiest when I am learning something. It can be as simple as learning something while researching my writing or reading an article on something I didn�t know before. I�m one of those nerds who watch the science and history programs on television. I�m happy when I watch them. My ideal of happiness is learning through traveling somewhere I�ve never been. For the last nine months, I�ve been saving and planning for a trip toChina. When I leave in a month, I have no doubt but that the trip will provide me with intense happiness. While I am going with a group of people, most of whom I know, I�m not the kind of person who will derive pleasure from mingling with my fellow travelers as much as I will experience the sheer joy and happiness of seeing a part of the world and learning history I never knew about. I�ll take pictures and journal about my experiences there so I can hang on to that sense of happiness whenever I take my journal and pictures out and look at them.
As a mother, I�ve had both happiness and frustration raising my teenage daughter and yet I think it�s been perhaps the most rewarding experience I�ve ever had. The days of hugs and kisses from a sweet little girl have long past and she�s learning to break away from her mother and attach to her friends and her own interests. Still, being her mother makes me happy. Whenever she makes a mature decision or works to the best of her ability, I�m happy to recognize her growth as a young woman. Sometimes, as a parent, a person needs to look hard for moments of happiness and not every day is a good one. Even so, parenting provides a depth of happiness worth every bit of effort I�ve put into it.
I don�t have a romantic relationship right now and, quite frankly, I�m happy about that. When I choose to meet someone who can enhance the happiness I have at the present moment, I�ll know the time will be right and I�ll take on the risks and responsibilities of a relationship. I don�t believe it�s necessary to be in a relationship in order to be happy. Too many people throw themselves into a shaky relationship, expecting happiness to come out of it. In truth, it�s only when the relationship has been nurtured, tested and feels completely right, that happiness stands the best chance of blooming out of that relationship.
My happiness is uniquely mine and another�s happiness is uniquely theirs. Happiness, as self-defined by an individual, is a precise fingerprint of the soul; it�s what helps make it worthwhile to enjoy our individual lives each and every day.
Christine Traxler MD